


Guilty Hunger

by BloodRaevynn



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-14
Updated: 2011-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-21 09:17:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRaevynn/pseuds/BloodRaevynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wooden door rattles reluctantly and he stands there bearing sake and a smile stretched too thin, and they pretend for an hour or so that his reason is not his reason and that it won’t happen this time when both of them know it will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilty Hunger

He comes to Sanosuke when the he needs something other than the soft touches and loving surrender of Kaoru’s body. When the pent-up violence and self-hatred become too much to bear and he craves a release and a loss of control. The wooden door rattles reluctantly and he stands there bearing sake and a smile stretched too thin, and they pretend for an hour or so that his reason is not his reason and that it won’t happen this time when both of them know it will.

There is no gentleness; Kenshin made it clear from the first time that that was forbidden. As Sanosuke pounds into him relentlessly, the former Hitokiri is all teeth and claws and rending cries, tearing strips from Sanosuke’s soul until the brawler feels utterly flayed. This isn’t what he wants, but he can’t refuse because it’s all he’s allowed to have.

In the stillness left behind, Kenshin closes his eyes and Sanosuke refuses to, because Kenshin would disappear before he wakes again and they’d be back to the normal daylight friendship until the next time it becomes too much. Because these hours before the dawn are precious; because it’s the only time Sanosuke can pretend that it’s real and permanent and he can be with Kenshin the way he wants to. As Kenshin sleeps, Sanosuke can touch him gently without the redhead pulling away with that guilty hunger in his eyes. He can kiss the darkening bruises that Kaoru will never see, because as long as they remain Kenshin will insist on keeping the room dark when they make love, and to Sanosuke that somehow feels like both victory and defeat.

He curls up to Kenshin’s smaller form and rests his head on Kenshin’s chest and listens to the swordsman’s heartbeat as the hours pass. This time before dawn is the gift Kenshin gives him in return for the pain he inflicts.

And when dawn comes and Kenshin begins to stir, Sanosuke rolls away and closes his eyes; he remains still as Kenshin rises and dresses, because he doesn’t want to see that awkward smile or endure Kenshin’s apologetic attempts to make things normal between them with the stains of semen and blood laid bare in the light of day. Kenshin kneels beside him and presses his forehead to Sanosuke’s for a moment, one hand cool on his chest in the exact place Sanosuke had rested his head on Kenshin’s.

Then he’s gone.


End file.
